nightlifemingus:

• are dinosaurs sick as hell? yea
• were you there? yea
• did u see the dinos? yea
• was it sick as hell? oh yea

gamsee:

my grandma asked me what i want for my birthday so i said all i want for my birthday is a big booty ho and she said that im making jesus sad

sabrinagrimm:

me huntin for the pussy

jinnkuthekryptonianjedi:

I’m having a fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes. Okay, it’s all grapes. Fermented grapes. I’m having wine for dinner.

dietchola:

this guy at my school wears really short shorts all the time and i asked him why he doesn’t wear normal cut shorts and he said “if the sky is out, then my thighs are out” god bless

do you ever just rub your eyes so hard that you just start entering some other fucking galaxy of swirls and patterns 

(Source: ytoob)

sodamnrelatable:

when someone changes the topic in a conversation and you had something interesting to say

(Source: misplacedmartian)

amerryleetlechristmas:

hey kids, if someone’s pressuring you to drink alcohol or smoke weed, they’re not cool, they’re fuckin rad as hell and you should definitely do it

(Source: doglets)

chloemorets:

i was telling a joke i made up the other day 

what alcoholic beverage do gay males drink

penis coladas

and i started laughing to myself but my friend just looked me dead in the eyes and said cocktails

gordonramsaypoetry:

oh
my
god
where’s the risotto?
useless.